April 30: No Happy Ending

Yesterday the card I drew from my Witches Wisdom Tarot was the Goddess of Earth: abundance, the sweetness of life, milk and honey, love, the embodiment of divine love. One of its messages is to take only what you need and give back in kind, then there will always be enough for everyone.

That message didn't warn me for what the day would bring.

Today's card, Goddess of Air: Grandmother Spider in her web, untangling the past, repairing the present, and weaving the future.

Now that was an appropriate card.

Last night Three's Company (Nomad Edition) turned into one narcissist and two of us putting together bits and pieces. We both had been getting bad vibes. The problem is, by that time I saw the holes in her sad story of victimhood, I was already out a chunk of loaned money and a month of my life. I'm also out my five personal fans, three chargers, three bottles of wine, two Route 66 books, and one of my best towels – all left with her when I took off for four days to get from front end aligned. I was expecting to meet up again, after the storms stopped (I try not to drive in heavy rain.) and after I got an Amazon order at Whole Foods, a shower at Planet Fitness, and picnic food at a May Day event in the park supporting the AFL-CIO.

When I woke up this morning, Nelson's bus was next to mine at Cracker Barrel. I am still digesting it, seeing it clearer in hindsight. I journaled pages and pages to get to the lesson he already knew: don't loan people money. This is my third time I got the same expensive lesson. If you were the next person to hit me up, I’m sorry, I'm not coming up to bat again.

I struggled with two things in particular. One was that I know I was divinely guided to park next to her when there were miles of beaches and multiple entrances. I assume now I could have set better boundaries and limits to my giving. The other thing had to do with a series of serendipity manifestation happenings leading up to this encounter that, "I can see clearly now" (Johnny Cash) was not the magic I thought it was.

Now comes forgiving myself.

I am grateful I celebrate the cross-quarter sabbats on their astrological rather than traditional date, although I do often start a little something the on the traditional day (as in lighting candles tonight) and build up energy for Beltane Eve on May 4. Anyhow, I'm glad to have a bit of time to get in a celebratory mood.